When I was young, I was often bullied in school. I attributed this to the fact that I was small for my age and that gave bullies a reason to pick on me. I was never one who will hurt a fly but given the situation then, I would rather hit back.
Ironically, my martial arts teacher at that time, taught me not to use my skills unless it is the last resort. But being young, I use the skills regardless as I was more afraid of being beaten than the consequences of hurting others. My childhood was filled with drama of me winning and losing fights, my parents’ frightened rage (to find out that I had bruises because I was in a fight), my school teacher’s screams, and the bullies’ parents’ intervention.
Even with all the drama then, I decided to still stand up against bullies than having to endure the punches and kicks. I grew more confident of myself and that made bullies afraid of me. The bullying stopped since.
Of course, we do not want to advocate violence as a way to solve problems. Always be reminded that there are consequences if you hurt others.
As the year passes, I began to understand the preaching of my martial arts teacher who taught me then that “you will have won the fight, when there is no fight”
One thing that I learnt is that violence is never a means to an end. Learning a martial art should not be about being able to take down your enemy (or bully) but rather, learning how to be aware of your surroundings, listening to your gut, using a confident voice and carrying yourself with confidence, so that you can walk away from a fight without having to resort to violence.
In martial arts training, a child will learn to perform under pressure, no matter what the situation may be. And it will teach them that there are no tough guys. They will learn to control his or her negative emotions. It is the learnt control that a child develops over time that increases self-confidence with the hope that in future they are able to stand up against bully by non-confrontational methods without having to resort to using their martial arts skills. But of course, if need to, they still have the skills to protect themselves.
A way to win a battle without fighting.
Written by: Erwin Yuhanis (e-sama)